Billy and the Turkey
Shoot
A Thanksgiving Story
By Danny Tillman
Bull's Eye Target
One hundred yards away from the fence and running parallel to it was a 100-foot by 20-foot high ridge of fill dirt with palmetto-pine woods beyond to the Atlantic Ocean. The U.S. Forest Service and the U.S. Coast Guard had been put on alert to clear all would-be living targets off the land and sea and out of harms way within a radius of five miles in a pie-shaped section of ground and water: the "pie point" being the spot where the mysterious man stood, and the two straight sides of said pie being 5 miles each and at right angles to each other, with the end opposite the point being an arc connecting the far ends of the two lines forming the sides (got that?).
As soon as the bull's-eye command was given, Billy, Uncle Rufus, Betty and Aunt Mary saw the figure of a man pop up at the crest of the fill-dirt ridge. He was carrying something-- they didn't know what-- and then he slid down the steep face. Upon reaching ground level in a cloud of dust, he turned his back to them, did something at the base of the ridge, ran a few steps parallel to the ridge and dove onto the turf. At the same time the man was diving into the grass, the mysterious man reached for the 30-30, aimed at the spot where the man had been doing something, and before the dust had settled, fired 5 times as fast as he could cock the lever of the Winchester, and yelled,
"ALL CLEAR ON THE FIRING LINE…REPORT TARGET RESULTS!"
Nephew, niece, aunt and uncle could hear the man at the base of the ridge coughing as he walked back to the spot that he had recently speedily vacated. They saw him doing something at the spot, holding up high what they could now just make out was a bull's-eye target, yelled back, "BULL'S EYE SHOT CLEAN OUT!" Then he ran off and disappeared around behind the mountain of dirt. A "WOW!" came from the audience of five.
Shootin' Skeet
The mysterious man yelled,
"PULL FIVE AT WILL!"
From the other side of the dirt mountain, a clay pigeon sailed high up and away from the onlookers. At the same time the mystery man was calmly reaching for his second rifle: the Lee-Enfield .303. Before the mysterious man had the stock to his shoulder, the relatives saw another clay pigeon begin its flight into space… A loud explosion and the 1st pigeon was dusted… A third clay disc cleared the top of the dirt…Blam!… and the 2nd clay pigeon shattered…A fourth disc sailed up and away while the 3rd was being destroyed. The fifth and final clay circle was launched as the 4th one vaporized……and in turn, the 5th was pulverized. With the powerful blasts still ringing in their heads, the fivesome heard the mysterious stranger yell,
"ALL CLEAR ON THE FIRING LINE!"
…as he carefully laid the .303 back in its place in the center of the table.
Turkey Target
"TURKEY TARGET!" was the next command given by the amazing shooter. A man again appeared at the top of the ridge, slid down in a shower of dust, did something again, ran away and dove to the ground as before. While the dust was floating in the air and before the onlookers could see clearly, the mystery sharpshooter had reached for the only unfired gun on the table, the .45-70 Sharps black powder cap-and- ball. BOOM! The report from this powerful and accurate rifle was so loud, the spectators jumped back and almost knocked the board fence over! With an "ALL CLEAR ON THE FIRING LINE!" the target guy stood up, ran coughing over to the turkey target, held it high and yelled back, "TURKEY HEAD SHOT CLEAN OFF!"
Appropriate OOHHS! and AAHHHS! emanated from the admiring audience. The target man ran off and disappeared around the mountain.