Billy and the Turkey
Shoot
A Thanksgiving Story
By Danny Tillman
Bernny and Ernny on a mission!
[Setting: Albey Yark is in Mary and Rufus' living room holding the "Rescue-Raschelle strategy meeting".]
While running through the front yard trying to shake off the hot pursuit of red-haired Rozzie, who is presently IT in a game of tag with all the younger children, Sonny spies a pickup truck, which is leaving his front yard and heading down the driveway towards Girvin Road. Inside are Albey's two sons—Bernny behind the wheel and Ernny riding shotgun beside him. They are embarking on a special mission under strict instructions from their father. At the end of Uncle Rufus' driveway, Bernny turns the truck right and they head south down Girvin Road. At Atlantic Boulevard, where the bar is on their right and Haygood's General Store is on their left, they turn left onto Atlantic Boulevard, and head east toward the Intracoastal Waterway and the Atlantic Ocean.
Bernny: "Hey Ernny, do ya think he'll be thar, Ernny?"
Ernny: "I don't KNOW, Bernny. I aer sure wishun Paw wouldn't send us-ns out on these-here last-minute missions—I get JOMPY, Bernny."
Bernny: "Yeah, Ernny, and I get NARVIS, Ernny. And e'en IF-N he's thar Ernny, do you think he'll be a-comin', Ernny?"
Ernny: "I DOW-BIT it, Bernny. If-n hit was YOU, Bernny, would YOU be a-comin', Bernny?"
Bernny: "Naw, Ernny, I'd be a-bein' too NARVIS a-bein' 'round all them-there people at Mr. Rufus' house and all that-thar goin's on, Ernny."
Ernny: "Yeah, Bernny… me too Bernny."
Bernny: "Hey, Ernny! How 'bouts all that-there a-shootin' Paw do from 100 yards and stuff, Ernny—AND us a-runnin' 'roun' all over that-there target area like scary jack rabbit critters or chickens and setch, Ernny!"
Ernny: "Yeah, Bernny. You done shore a-knowed it rat that-there time… but Paw AER a crack shot, Bernny, an' not nary like as ta tetch one of us-uns off [M.w.: ...and not likely to shoot one of us]."
Bernny: "You done got that'n' rat on the money dead to rats, Ernny! Paw kin see rat through DUST he kin, Ernny!"
Ernny: "Bernny, I wont you to tell me rat h'ar'n' now—how DOES he DO that-thar stuff and all, Bernny?"
Bernny: "Hey there, Ernny, you shore done out got me down flat out on that'n', Ernny!"
Ernny: "Hey, Bernny, you know what, Bernny?"
Bernny: "No, Ernny, what DO I know, Ernny?"
Ernny: "We-uns aer a couple of crazy guys, Bernny!"
Bernny: "Yeah, I aer a-knowin' that-there'n' fer shore, Ernny."