Billy and the Turkey
Shoot
A Thanksgiving Story
By Danny Tillman
Proposing the Battle Positions!
"Uncle Rufus Says thar aer a roughly-rounded-off section of sandy yard thar in t' back porch area, 'bout 50 feet a-fore the trees and undergrowth begin to form the woods. So, in effec, our three dee-fensive poe-sitions will be at the ends of three 50-foot radiuses separated by 90 DEE-grees each. Gentlemen, we will form a half circle whose centre line will run through where the porch j'ines the house. "On either end of that DIE-ameter will be Morris and Billy on the near side, Rufus and Johnny on the farside, and Tom, X and me daed-centre out'n front of the porch. Mr. Pisachube, you keep the ladies well back in the woods and bushes. Billy, you be shore they aer well back outer the line o'fire from ary steel-slingin' by the Knife Lady on the porch, since you'll be closest to them of us men on the attack circle.
"I'll be a-givin' everbody plenty o' time to reach their stations, and then I will hail the porch or the house. At that time, I alone will break cover and advance slowly toward the porch. I don't want anyone else to move. "This aer most important: Stay outer sight. If-n she aer a-comin' out-n the door, or if-n she aer a'ready set on the porch, when she 'come 'ware of us-ns, I spec she might start tossin' knifes. At that p'int, me bein' a-ready out front and centre to draw her fire, and prob'ly the first to be throwed at--which I'm allowin'--X and Tom'll add-vance and help me decoy. That way, there'll be 3 of us-ns drawin' on her flying blades, and that may give us-ns a chancet not to get stuck-- and also give Billy and Morris, and Rufus and Johnny, a safer chancet to pull a coordinated flanking movement, by rushing in at the same time from both sides-- whereupon X, Tom and I will do the same from our POE-sition out from the centre of the porch. "If-n we-uns kin all seven of us-ns move in fast EE-nough, we-uns all together and at oncet may be able to pin her down without Billy, Morris, John and Rufus bein' throwed at I'm a-hopin'. Oncet we seven men folks've got her ketched, I want you, Billy, to yell fer Mr. Pisachube to bring in the ladies, each one of which can grab a leg or a arm. We'll see how hit goes after that.”
"Remember, this-here plannin' aer only plannin' - liken to 'play-likin' when we was kids and friskin' 'round playin' cowboys and Indians. Y'all know and I know plans don' always work out ther way you'd like to."