Billy and the Turkey Shoot
A Thanksgiving Story
By Danny Tillman

Mary took the somewhat smudged, creased and crumpled paper as she and Betty began to read the flyer together:

Then, at the bottom of the page, Mary and Betty saw two more lines which seemed to be an afterthought of the unknown author of this notice. There was something a little strange and confusing about these statements, but on that first reading, they couldn't put their finger on it, and for the moment they brushed the fleeting and unspoken thoughts out of their minds, as they had many other motherly cares to consider. But though they had no way of knowing it at the time of course, that very postscript would change Mary's, Betty's, Rufus' and Billy's lives forever. Here is what it said:

I forgot to mention in the previous part of our story that it was on a Friday that Sonny brought the turkey shoot flyer home from school; and that evening after Uncle Rufus returned from his construction job and Nephew Billy returned from his insurance job, and after the kids had swarmed all over their daddy’s, Aunt Mary and Niece Betty showed the flyer to their husbands.

Right away Uncle Rufus said that was nice but that he probably wouldn't be able to go as Saturdays were his only free days and there were so many things that needed to be done around the house. Besides, he was pretty well worn out at the end of every day and especially more so at the end of a whole week of days. Billy said that if Uncle Rufus wasn't going that he wouldn't go either.

Aunt Mary and Betty put the-finishing touches on supper and Uncle Rufus and Billy proceeded to relax in the living room. Janice and Sonny sat on their daddys' laps. Uncle Rufus turned the pages of the Jacksonville Times Union until he reached the funny paper section. He always enjoyed reading the comic strips out loud to Sonny, and then to his other children as they came along. Letting one of them sit in his lap, he would point his finger at the character that was talking at the moment. That way, the child would know exactly who was speaking.

Sonny and his siblings enjoyed those moments listening to the words of their dad and looking at the pictures. Speaking of siblings, Sonny already had a little brother and a little sister, and a baby sister. At the moment little brother had stolen little sister's baby bottle again. He was laughing with fiendish glee as he held the bottle just out of reach from poor Little Sister. She was crying loudly as she toddled behind trying to catch him.

Little Brother wasn't always this way, but he did have a mean streak. Uncle Rufus used to say about Little Brother that, "When he was good, he was good, but when he was bad, he was bad." And, my Dear Readers, I can attest firsthand to the sad and awful truth of that statement.

Aunt Mary soon had things under control. She returned Little Sister's bottle with a "There, there, it's alright now." Then she gave Little Brother a spanking.

Now Little Brother was doing all the crying so his mother took him to his room to let him finish crying on his pillow, which was usually the plan when Little Brother was bad and had to get a spanking.

At the supper table that night the talk was of the turkey shoot that they wouldn't be going to and Thanksgiving in general. Sonny asked what a turkey shoot was. Uncle Rufus said it was usually an event, a contest during which people paid a fee and then competed at shooting at targets to see who was the best shot. Then the best shot or shooters won the turkey or turkeys.

He added however that Saturday week's turkey shoot at the school might be different, as it was to be the only one he had ever heard of where you had to either shoot yourself or let someone do it for you, and Billy, Betty and Aunt Mary vocally agreed.

Janice asked what Thanksgiving was and Billy explained about the Indians helping the Pilgrims stay alive a long time ago and the big feast and celebration they had in honor of the Indians and their Heavenly Father because the Pilgrims were thankful to still be alive in their new home in the New World.

Sonny asked what they had to eat on that Thanksgiving Day so long ago. Uncle Rufus said they probably shot some deer and squirrels and other small animals. Betty and Aunt Mary mentioned pies, pastries, bread, vegetables that the Indian and Pilgrim ladies must have fixed. "What about turkeys?" said Sonny.

Billy said that yes, the men back at that Indian and Pilgrim Thanksgiving probably shot some turkeys for dinner too.

Sonny said that Teacher said she was having turkey and that you're supposed to have turkey for Thanksgiving and "Are we having turkey this Thanksgiving?"

Everyone looked at Aunt Mary at that point for some reason, and she said no that they were having a baked hen for Thanksgiving as usual just like they always did, but that it would be nice to have a turkey, but that chicken was just fine, and they did have chickens sleeping out in the back yard at that very moment.

Then Billy said, "That does it Aunt Mary, I'm going to that turkey shoot!"

There was only one lingering problem: could Billy answer the ever-perplexing question of whether to shoot himself or have someone do it for him?

*       *       *

A week went by. Saturday before Thanksgiving came and Billy still hadn't decided whether or not he would shoot himself or have someone do it for him. Uncle Rufus however, had decided to accompany Billy to the Turkey Shoot, just in case Billy did decide that he didn't want to shoot himself, in which case both Billy and Uncle Rufus were hoping that just maybe the people running the Turkey Shoot would be kind enough to let Uncle Rufus be the one to do it for him. Billy reasoned that if anyone had to shoot him, he would just as soon that person be his very own Uncle Rufus, and Uncle Rufus had reluctantly agreed.

The time came to leave for Atlantic Beach Elementary School and the Turkey Shoot. Uncle Rufus gathered his single shot Remington .22 rifle and a box of Ranger cartridges from the bedroom closet, and Uncle and Nephew climbed into Uncle Rufus' blue-grey 1949 Ford, and off they went.

In 20 minutes they pulled up to the school parking lot where there were already other cars and trucks belonging to would-be turkey shooters. They got out of the car. Uncle Rufus handed Billy the rifle and box of shells as they walked toward the front entrance of the school. There on the door was a sign that read:

so they made their way around the left side of the building and saw another sign that said:

Sooo... they walked across the playing field. In the distance, Billy and Uncle Rufus could see one big red fire truck, three ambulances and two police cars. Toward that same far side of the grass field they could see in addition, two lines of people. There were big signs on poles at the start of each of these lines. The sign on the left said:

and the one on the right said:

As they neared the line signs they saw some men holding rifles and standing to the right side of a table. Another man sat behind the table and had sheets of paper spread out in front of him. A sign hung from the front of the table:

so Billy and Uncle Rufus walked up to the table. The man looked up at them and asked,

"Which one of you fellers want to sign in first?"

"I guess I do," Billy said.

"O.K," said the signer-inner man, "what's your name, young man?"

"Billy," said Billy, and the man wrote Billy's name down on a sheet of paper.

Then he looked at Billy and asked,

"Do you want to shoot yourself or have someone do it for you?"

Billy hesitated and then said, "I haven't made up my mind yet."

The man said, "Well, I need to know right now, because if you aren't going to shoot yourself, I'll have to assign one of these here fellers to do it for you, and he pointed to the men holding rifles to his left. Billy looked at the men. He noted the keen, lean look of anticipation on their faces and the glint of the morning sun bouncing off their well-oiled rifle barrels. Billy had an uneasy feeling come over him and in a controlled but slightly shaky voice said, "That's what I wanted to ask you about Mister..." "Sam, just call me Sam," interrupted the man. Billy went on, "O.K., Mister Sam, like I say... I wanted to tell you that's why I brought my Uncle Rufus here along. Just in case I do decide not to shoot myself, I can just have my uncle Rufus here do it for me." "O.K.," said Sam, "I tell you what. Just start off in that line there that says SHOOT YOURSELF and you hold the gun. Then if you happen to change your mind as the line moves up, just switch over to the LET SOMEONE DO IT FOR YOU LINE in which case you can then let your uncle Rufus there hold your gun. "I'll just write down your name on the SHOOT YOURSELF list and your Uncle Rufus' name over here on this SOMEONE DO IT FOR YOU list, and that'll be one dollar. Thanks for coming to the Turkey Shoot today, fellers."

Billy paid the dollar, and said, "By the way, Mister Sam, what are the ambulances for?" "Just in case some guy gets hurt so bad we have to take him to the hospital," Sam said. Billy asked again, "And what's the fire truck doing here?" "With this many firearms around, you never know what might happen," replied Sam. "And the police cars, Mister Sam?" Billy inquired one last time. "We don't want anyone to get killed at this here turkey shoot, young man. Better safe than sorry," finished Sam, and Billy and Uncle Rufus made their way over to the SHOOT YOURSELF line.

*     *      *

In Line

Billy took his place at the end of the SHOOT YOURSELF LINE and Uncle Rufus stood directly to Billy's right in the LET SOMEONE DO IT FOR YOU LINE.

As the lines moved slowly forward, Billy and Uncle Rufus could hear the crack of rifle fire behind the board fence ahead. Once in a while they heard a loud scream. Several times an ambulance went into action with siren wailing and red lights flashing, a police car following, as it roared away toward the end of the fence, disappeared behind it, collected the injured shooter or shootee, they presumed, and high‑ tailed it for the nearest hospital, which they also presumed. Usually the police car would return soon after from the other side of the fence to re-park at its original station and wait for the next incident.

Once or twice, a police car accompanied a hospital-bound ambulance.    Of course, Billy and Uncle Rufus only assumed the ambulances were going to the hospital with a police escort. For all they knew, the police cars may be transporting Let Someone Do It For You shooters to jail for shooting someone who didn't want to shoot himself. That the latter may be the case, and the screams coming from behind the fence, and the actions of police cars and ambulances... all these were not a little disturbing to Billy, Uncle Rufus, and the other entrees.

While all this was going on, Billy continued to have the additional worry of whether to shoot himself or have someone (namely Uncle Rufus) do it for him. Accordingly, he kept switching lines along the way toward the front of the line and zero hour. During all this switching of lines, Billy was thinking the usual thoughts one has when faced with a possible life-or-death situation with time to think about it: While in the SHOOT YOURSELF LINE, he would hold the rifle and the box of cartridges and think "I am a United States Marine and I am used to pain injury, and death! I WILL win this turkey for Aunt Mary, Betty, Uncle Rufus, the children, God and Country! ...maybe if I just shoot myself in the foot... I'll be right as rain in no time at all!...but then again... Dear Father in Heaven, I believe in Jesus----- Thank you for taking me to Heaven if I have to die on this day,..." you know, stuff like that.

The next minute he would reconsider, "Maybe I better let Uncle Rufus do this thing for me... he's a good shot with a rifle!" at which point he would join Uncle Rufus over in the LET SOMEONE DO IT FOR YOU LINE, surrendering the weapon and ammo to his uncle. Then it finally happened: They were at the head of the line. No one was in front of them. The board fence loomed over them. There were two doors with a man guarding each. The sign over the left door said SHOOT YOURSELFERS ENTER HERE.

Out of Line

Billy just happened to be holding the rifle and standing in the SHOOT YOURSELF LINE at the time. The SHOOT YOURSELF door guard man opened the door and said, "Next!" and Billy stepped through. Uncle Rufus entered the other door which was labeled SOMEONE DO IT FOR YOUERS ENTER HERE.

The doors closed behind them and they heard bolts locking. No easy escape from the turkey shoot now! "The only honorable thing to do is to shoot myself or not to shoot myself and let Uncle Rufus do it for me...that is the question," Billy thought of the Shakespearean dilemma in which he was trapped.

A man, the only other person in sight besides Billy and Uncle Rufus, and who I guess you could call the "firing line marshal" or something, said to Billy, "Shoot Yourselfer! Advance to the X!"

Billy saw a big chalk X on the grass in front of him so he stepped onto it.

"Shoot Yourselfer! Load and prepare to fire!" were the marshal's next instructions.

Billy pulled up on the bolt handle and slid it to the rear, removed a cartridge from the box, inserted it into the firing chamber of the rifle, secured the bolt, and pushed the safety lever forward. He put the stock against his shoulder, lowered the barrel toward the ground and took careful aim at his left foot... Changing his mind, he switched aim to his right foot, and then attempted to aim at both of his legs in order... seconds ticked by as he tried to decide what part of him to shoot...

Finally Billy said as he pulled back the safety lever, unloaded the rifle and handed it to his uncle: "Uncle Rufus, you're going to have to do it for me...I can't get a good shot at myself!"

"Someone do it for you shooter! Advance to the X!" barked the marshal, and Uncle Rufus walked to the spot, rifle in hand.

"Someone do it for you shooter! Load your weapon and prepare to fire!"

Uncle Rufus tucked the rifle in the crook of his left elbow and began to dig into the cartridge box for a shell. Selecting one, he unlocked the bolt of the rifle, slipped the cartridge in, locked it down, raised the rifle up, left-shouldered the stock (Uncle Rufus fired a rifle "left-handed" even though he was right-handed), swung around and took careful aim at Billy's right leg, hoping to cut the cloth of his pants and just barely graze the outer layer of skin, "You've been more than a friend, Billy, you've been a nephew."

Uncle Rufus figured that if he could slightly wing Billy, then at best, Billy would be up and walking again in a few weeks, right as rain. At worst...he hoped... Billy would only be out of commission for a few months. Then he looked up at Billy's face... such a pleasant, friendly face it was, with that familiar, ready smile. It was still there: that  I-have-confidence-in‑ you...you-are-important-to-me smile that Billy radiated to everyone he saw. It flickered just a tad and he grinned that grin that only Billy could grin, "I feel the same way about you, Uncle Rufus."

Rufus adjusted his rimless eyeglasses, flicked a tiny speck of dust off his jacket lapel and re-aimed, "Thanks." A tear formed in Uncle Rufus' left eye, spoiling his aim and rolling down his cheek. He rubbed his eye, took careful aim again, breathed in, exhaled and... slowly squeezed the trigger.

Nothing happened! He had forgotten to push the safety lever forward to the "shoot" position!

Just then they heard loud voices on the other side of the fence, the SHOOT YOURSELFERS door burst open and in came Betty! Then the LET SOMEONE DO IT FOR YOUERS door flew open and there was Aunt Mary!

They ran and grabbed their husbands and began pleading with them not to go through with this crazy Shoot-Yourself-or-Have-Someone-Do-It-For‑ You Turkey Shoot! A nice baked hen would do just fine, thank you very much! One Thanksgiving turkey wasn't worth getting shot over! Let's come back to our senses, O.K.!?

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