A Conversation with Elizabeth
2017
Re: Remembering

From:           Elizabeth 
To:             Larry
Sent:           Sunday, January 8, 2017 1:43 PM
Subject:        Re: Remembering
 
Larry,
 
Do you still keep a  profile out on any dating or relationship sites?  I remember some years back you telling me you were doing that.  I think you told me what site.  When I read the description of the type of woman you were looking for though, I truthfully thought, "dream on Larry!"  I thought the ad would probably drive away the very type of woman you might want to attract and if it did attract someone, it would be the wrong type.  Even though your description bracketed me out or would have eliminated me anyway (too old, too non-athletic, etc.), even if I had fit into the parameters you laid out for a match, I probably wouldn't have responded!
 
In the Marriage & Family class I taught, as a fun exercise, I had my students write "ads" describing themselves or describing an "ideal" partner.  It was quite a fun exercise and often brought on some laughs.
 
I don't know if you are being too selective or not, other than my comments about the one ad which I saw some years ago which might lead me to believe your "search terms" are too narrow.  In contrast to you, some time back through a Classmates.com site I re-located a good friend of mine my age from elementary school. He was married and still living in Florida.  Shortly after we started exchanging emails, his wife waltzed  in one day and said, "I don't love you anymore," and asked for a divorce.  They settled their affairs very quickly, selling their home, etc.  Within literally a month or so, he was settled into an apartment in Pensacola, which is where I knew him in elementary school.  He promptly put a personal ad out into a "seniors" dating site and began going out on dates.  Within no time at all, he hooked up with someone via the site who he had actually known years earlier in Pensacola.  They bonded and have been together now maybe three or four years, although not living together the last I heard. He says he has NO plans to remarry though, as I think the wife who left him was his third, and the woman he settled with has had four prior marriages.   They've been having a good time though, traveling to Hawaii, Canada, and various other places, and are great social supports for each other.  I imagine it will be a lifetime relationship.
 
Did your ex-wife remarry?
 
 I had an odd experience with relationships and re-marriage.  After I visited you in Reston, I went to Indiana to work for almost a year.  While there, I attended some astronomy lectures taught by a retired high school teacher.  He was older than I, by about 10 years, but mentally and conversationally I really enjoyed him.  He was also married though, so our only contacts where at his lectures.  When my contract was up in Indiana, I went back to Alabama, but we exchanged emails and even real letters--nothing romantic though, just talking about science and various things.  I realized I was getting too attracted to him, and with his marriage, I didn't think it advisable to continue our exchanges.  We discussed it, and I think we stopped corresponding, or I did at least.  A few years later, I heard that his wife had died.  They had been married 49 years.  Since we had been long out of touch, I didn't send any condolences or anything, and I was hesitant about re-contacting him simply because his wife had died.  I let some time pass (about a year) and then decided to re-contacted him.  Well, just as I was going to email him, I heard he had gotten remarried!  His wife had died in May 2008 and he remarried in March 2009. He was 71, his new wife 60 (I was 61 at the time).  A woman had attended one of his lectures; they exchanged long distance emails, finally agreed to meet up personally, and then married almost right away! And, what struck me was she was that she perfect for him, and he was apparently perfect for her as well--far more than I would have been for him, and while I'm not sure, his age might have given me some concern.
 
I'm not doing anything actively to find anyone new for a relationship, at least in terms of deciding for certain that I want a forever partner, or a marriage partner.  I have enjoyed being able to touch base with you again recently.  I have a few other male friends I stay in touch with by email, but one is in California and satisfactorily married and the other is gay and living in Maryland.  My elementary school friend got mad at me because I supported "Bernie" and quit writing to me because he was SO pro Hillary.  Living where I do in a small, conservative town, very Christian for the most part, and going out into social settings as little as I do (because there aren't any social setting to go out into except church activities which I don't attend) the chances that I would ever cross paths with anyone interesting are very minimal.  I have absolutely no interest in the stress of actually dating or going out for a meet up with a new person I've met online. 
 
I  have an ongoing back and forth debate with myself about whether to try and relocate before I get much older, or whether I should "age in place" as it is called.  I don't have the tug of a "home" to draw me back anywhere, so from time to time I've fantasized about striking completely out and moving to another state.  I do have nostalgia for Gainesville, as in some senses it was more of a home to me than almost any other place, but I'm told it has radically changed.  I do still have one friend that I know of living there, and have been invited down to "catch up on old times," but I've yet to do it.
 
In terms of staying here, right now I can still mow my own grass, do yardwork, and so on, but I can see that ending as I age, which means hiring someone.  I very much like having my own space all to myself.  I'm not even sure if I could adapt to a roommate which is what many older women do, find a same sex person to share a house together.  Unlike you, my house does not have enough resale value for me to sell it and use the money to buy elsewhere outright.  The amount I could get from a sale, even if I matched it with money of my own, would restrict my options in terms of location and size of house.  On the plus side, my house is paid for, so I have no mortgage, and MS waives property taxes for people over 65.  Maintenance is an issue though (new appliances as needed and such) and I have insurance which runs 1000/year.
 
I try to do a + (plus) and - (minus) column outlining whether to stay or to leave, but that doesn't seem to help much!
 
But there again, another story about people finding other people!  One of my students who kept in touch with me by email, emailed me one day and said her husband of 14 years had waltzed in and totally out of the blue said "I'm moving out."  It was a TOTAL shock to her.  Then, in no time at all, she too had remarried. When I had to go down to south MS recently for business, I met up with her, and she told me her story.  She put a personal ad in that "Farmers" site for mates!  She didn't necessarily want a farmer, but she thought that site might have more solid people.  Well, she met a man there, who wasn't looking for a farmer's wife, but was also there looking for someone not too flakey!  They went through various get to know each other steps; her two kids loved him; they took a test travel trip together, and now they are married and both are ecstatic!  She sent me a ton of pictures from their first Christmas together.
 
So, just curious!  If you were writing an ad about yourself today, what would you write to describe yourself. How would you describe who you want to find?
 
Elizabeth

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