A Conversation with Elizabeth
1999
Cog Zone

From:          Elizabeth 
To:            LMixson@PEC.com
Sent:          Tuesday, January 26, 1999 2:58 PM
Subject:       Cog Zone
 
In a way I know I am a cog here at the hospital, but it doesn't feel overly negative to me.  Because I love to know things, whenever anybody else wants to know something, I can respond to that wish or need.  That in a sense is why I am a natural librarian of sorts.  I love to track stuff down. BUT, at the public library I could see burn out coming; every school semester the same "identify" bugs questions, the same "what is the state fish" questions, the same, over and over, "how do I make the font bigger on the computer."  There were users who presented novel issues or questions, and that was fun, but I tired quickly on showing people how to use the xerox machine.  I think down the road some, this job might be the same way, but here I do more project oriented research than quick answer type stuff, though I get some of that too. For example, all morning I have been working on finding information about malpractice cases involving pregnant women with breast cancer.  I struck out in Medline, but literally after working all morning I finally discovered a site called "Risk Management Foundation of the Harvard Medical Institutions" which had a lot of good data.  BUT intellectually its DERIVATIVE.  That's a good suggestion--if something bothers you about something you have done, maybe that is a single that you didn't quite handle it right--although it might also be a signal that its a new or customary or rare action that you've just taken, and hence the disease.  I've been wanting to let that woman know to quit telling people I was fired, so I'm glad I did it.  Maybe I over dramatized the walking away.  I was scanning around for a good place to sit when she spoke to me, it was about a minute until the concert started, so when I sort of saw where I might sit, after I talked to her, I walked away.  It wasn't like I turned away and walked away.  I think it was the "niceness" of being introduced that contributed some to my feeling I had not reciprocated.  I always think it is graceful when people introduce you to people--as if they care about you.  (My mother would always introduce my sister to her friends, but I would be standing right there and she wouldn't even mention me.  Later I learned to introduce myself--I'd just pipe up and say, "And I'm Elizabeth the oldest daughter." 
 
I will try and copy the bookmarks or favorites as you suggested. Thanks for letting me know.  I don't use Netscape.  Last night a professor who I am totally awed by asked me after class if I was having a good semester.  She has been a professor there for ages and is practically a "god."  She is quite a phenomenon--so absolutely and totally professional that she seems to carry an aura with her into the class. My prof the other night called her "the esteemed Ms. Howell."  She petrifies classes in a way, but ultimately it is for the good.  I think I told you that once a person used a "canned" brief in her class (that's one you don't write yourself but can buy as companies make big bucks off law students by briefing and publishing the 1000's of cases we have to read and brief). Anyway, she cooly mortified him.  He went up after class and apologized for not being prepared.  Anyway, she is always so seemingly together, she is quite a role model, but she intimidates me pretty much.  I was sort of tongue tied, but we talked for a bit and I told her that it felt like I was having to do my first year all over again because I'm making up some first year courses.  She wondered where that feeling was coming from.  I told her that in the advanced courses the profs treat you differently (I didn't say this to her but it's like they say "you've made it--you didn't flunk out--you know what you are doing--you are on your way for real.  In the beginning it's like just a mass of students and many of them will disappear).  So she said that she KNEW she treated advanced students differently (I thought yes, you're treating me differently because you're actually talking to me)--and she even said she had just that night let OUR class get away with stuff she wouldn't with first year students (I just about gasped when a woman was called on and said she hadn't read the material, and secondly almost gasped when Ms. Howell let it go.)  Oh well.  I've always wanted a mentor or a role model.  Last year I made a vow to not let my weight get past a certain point ever again and/or if it did, to IMMEDIATELY correct it.  The point is still too high, and ultimately I would like to set the point lower, but as yet I haven't been able to do it. I was doing okay ad libbing for a while, but then I guess from just before finals on I stopped being as attentive.  I also recall that on Christmas Eve I got a hugmongous stuffed crust pizza, etc. I did check out the ATF site and looked at all the wanted pictures.  Well--I've worked on this note on
and off since early a.m.  Time to send. 

Her saying she Loves to know things, that she was a “natural librarian of sorts” describes her well. She had an encyclopedic knowledge on many subjects. I learned long ago never to question her about facts or information, she was always right. 

Crazy