A Conversation with
Elizabeth
1999
Down, Down, Down
From:
Elizabeth
To:
LMixson@PEC.com
Sent: Friday,
November 12, 1999 9:07 AM
Subject: Down, Down, Down
I didn't have the day off (Thursday), but took it off, along with Wed.
afternoon. Sometimes I go to class on Wed. afternoon, so I don't have to
go on Thurs. night, then I take Thurs. off from work. It really
gives me a break from my routine, but I can, or only allow, myself to do
it about once a month. I read your message yesterday, but the
computers at school (I went to the library to study all day)are somewhat
funky, so I didn't reply. I felt BASICALLY okay Wed. and ThursDAY,
but last night or early evening I began getting REALLY depressed.
This is the most depressed I have been in years, at least since when I
first moved to Montgomery. I walked right away, thinking I'd at
least try to get the endorphins to kick in, but it didn't work (or maybe
it worked and I would have been even MORE depressed).
I think the gist of it is PARTIALLY feeling like I am just NOT at the
point in my life where I feel I SHOULD BE for my age and education.
My salary is almost abysmal, although its about on the par for positions
such as mine, or at the most only about 1-2 thousand below the norm.
I may have started getting depressed late afternoon when another law
student stopped by to talk with me about HIS plans. He is already
making 90,000 in his job. He COULD retire and get 36,000, but is
choosing not to. I don't know what salaries are like up there in
D.C--when I read that Monica was getting about 36,000 as an aide I
wonder--but 90,000 in Montgomery is very well OFF. I'm curious
what you are making? You may not want to say. Are you over a
100,000, or over 75,000--or am I out of the ball park altogether.
BUT, its not just money. Last night I read the car ads, then I
read the furniture ads, then the house/condo ads--I kept saying, "What
do you WANT." I don't know how to get IN STEP--or the feeling is I
am out of step. Then, though, I thought about you. I
thought: A person can have everything in place, like you did, then
a big chunk "falls away." It can be health, loss of a job, loss of
a relationship--then what. Rebuilding? I just can't see this
RUT--I'm going CRAZY--but I don't know how to get out. Please
write if you get a chance--say ANYTHING about all this--what are your
thoughts ABOUT LIFE. You always seem to keep chugging--even with
Julie leaving. You just bounce along. Sometimes that scares
me about you. Sometimes I see it as a strength. As I said,
I'm very depressed. Elizabeth
Updated: 04-29-2024