A Conversation with Elizabeth
2017
False Turns

I think I must had replied to her last email and saying something about there not being any false turns but I did not save the email.

From:           Elizabeth  
To:             Larry
Sent:           Wednesday, March 8, 2017 2:04 AM
Subject:        False Turns
 
Larry,
 
I don't agree about there not being false turns, although with my attorney training I'd have to see how you and I were defining that.
 
 I think people often act in ways which are not true to themselves, for a variety of reasons, among them weakness, fear, cowardice, timidness, or insecurity.  I think this failure to be true to oneself can occur at big dramatic moments, for example possibly choosing not to move to Ann Arbor, or it can happen incrementally through tiny decisions a person makes throughout his or her own life.  This is what I'm calling false turns.
 
Yes, I agree to some extent with what you say (your definition perhaps) that the choices one makes and the directions ones take shape who we are and that becomes the reality of one's life--hence no false turns. In that sense what we are is what we are; what we have become is what we are.  But I think in some cases what we become is not who we truly are.
 
I don't necessarily say that people may not become who they were meant to be, because that seems to imply that a higher purpose or higher force operates in our destinies.   Whether at big junctures or repeated small ones though, I believe people can throw away, bypass, or even abort what I call integrity to self.  So, what is lost is self actualization, bringing into reality what I can only call the true self for want of a better term.
 
For example, what if for whatever reason, you chose to ignore what you sense as a deep calling to return to Gainesville.  You yourself might say, oh I'd never do that, but I'm only using it as an example of a situation where a person might choose to not heed the calling, or the pull, or the intuition, and make a false turn. And so whatever was calling dies, or shrivels, or at best perhaps redirects into something else. 
 
I have four email addresses to try and sort out, and stacks of vinyl records.  I thought about converting them the way I think you did, but I decided it was too much work, and I don't really play my i-pod all that much.  I did hook it up for a recent short overnight trip up to Tupelo to hear a violin concert.  On the drive though I listened mostly to podcasts, one of Stephen Hawking giving a lecture on black holes for example. 
 
Maybe in Gainesville you are destined to find true happiness, however you define it, or find it again if you've had it before and lost it--maybe your elusive soul mate.  I'm not sure I'm up to date enough to know what you still dream about, hope for, or would like to see or have happen in your life.  I suppose "finding someone" is high on many people's lists, if they don't presently "have someone."
 
I ended up having a terrible evening earlier tonight.  I have a "neighbor" problem, and I ended up having to go into the Police Department about it along with the neighbor for "mediation."  It turned out to be very upsetting. The neighbor made a prank call to the police about me last Friday and I had three squad cars and officers at my door who said they had come based on the report of a neighbor.  I told the Police it was a prank, BUT they said I can't prove it. Something disappeared from my yard which had no way to disappear unless my neighbor took it, but again, the Police said since I didn't see my neighbor take it, so I can't prove it.  The neighbor deliberately guns his muffler (pipes) as loudly as possible sometimes at all hours of the day or night, which I think is "deliberate."  But I can't prove that.  So the reason it was upsetting is that the neighbor sat their gloating as the police seemed to be on his side about things.
 
At times I wish I had a small desert island with good internet and a good library and a place for a small garden and NO people.
 
Elizabeth

next