1975

Fall

Summer quarter was over and I flunked Electronics 2 which I finally concluded that Electrical Engineering wasn’t for me and so for the fall quarter I signed up for the Computer Science course CIS-411, Systems Programming.

Byte Magazine - Issue #1

In September one of the student programmers at CIRCA brought into work the first issue of Byte Magazine and showed it to me. Unlike Popular Electronics that covered all aspects of electronics, Byte Magazine was “The small systems journal.” dedicated to microcomputers with detailed how-to articles on both hardware and software.  I immediately put in and subscription order and started receiving the magazine with the December issue.

From my journal….

October 4, 1975
The Cry of a Tortured Soul  

I am what I am,
Being nothing, I am nothing.
Alone in my own depressed misery
Searching to avoid the truths that confront me
I have degenerated to a mas of putrid flesh.
My mind is but a foul, corrupted thing,
Fit only but for those in Hell.
I perceive nothing, understand nothing.
I fabricate my own world to match
My own grossly distorted self.
Communication with others is impossible,
For I know not their world.
They are my enemies for they invade my world
Causing me to gain a glimpse of false hope
I am full of envy for those
That are happy for I am not Love
I cannot, for love involves being loved.
But who can love a work such as I,
Meant to grovel in the stench of other’s excretions,
I wallow in my grief, like a hog in his slop.
I exist only to perpetrate my own misery.
I doubt all, believing in nothing.
I cry and choke on my tears.
I am indistinguishable  from death.
I am not I, for I am nothing.
Please bury my soul.

On the positive side, in  December of 1975 I was promoted to System Analyst I position and a raise to $10,048.85 a year, wow, I had never made so much money.