1977

Melody

In October I received another letter from Melody and she said, “I’m really happy here – all the dance arrangements have finally gelled and I take dance class every day and watch rehearsals when they are scheduled.  This is probable one of the best things I could be doing for my career in dance. “   She made a interesting comment about how unusual the dance company consisting of 20 women and 20 men “none of whom are gay, surprise, surprise!”  Quite different than from my experience with the dance troupe performance experience I had.   One thing that was bothering her was it was much colder than she expected, and she didn’t have enough warm clothes and she couldn’t afford to buy any there (if she could even find any) so she asked if I could send her some.  She said her friend Nina, the dance teacher back in Gainesville said “to feel free to ask you (me) for favors so here goes.”  She goes on to ask if I could send her “a pair of blue jean overalls, a blue jeans  skirt, (fitted at the waist & below knee length) a flannel shirt, and maybe a few thermal long sleeve undershirts.”  She said that Nina could help pick them out so I contacted Nina and sent her a check for a $100 and Nina bought the clothes and sent them to her.   She also wanted some more peanut butter and Constant Comment tea.   Another thing she asked for was a copy of  book “To Kill a Mockingbird” to give to a polish woman who had help her.

She also said that she would be going to Paris in December with the dance company and suggested I fly there to meet her, she would send me the details ASAP.   I didn’t receive the details but in November, Harris asked me to fly to Germany on a business trip to work on some of the software on the Newspaper system that they had installed there.  I had never been out of the country before and was excited to go. I looked at the map and Germany was next to Poland so I wrote Melody telling her the dates I would be there and suggested she come to see me when I was there.  The time for the trip came and I had not heard back from her when a few days before I left Melody’s mother called me and said Melody would not be able to meet with me as Melody had a nervous breakdown and she was going to Poland that same week to bring her home.   It really sadden me to hear that, Melody seemed so happy in her letter from October.   My business trip went well, I had a really nice time and we got to see some of the sights including walking up the 509 steps of the Cologne Cathedral.   The only downside of the trip were my thoughts about how Melody was and I wondered if our relationship had anything to do with her breakdown.  Having some time off in December I called her mother and asked if I could come see her and her mother was uncertain about me seeing her but didn’t say no so I decided to drive up to see my sister Brenda and her husband in Charlotte North Carolina the week after Christmas where I spent a couple of days with them and then called Melody’s mother asking again if I could see Melody and she said I could.  The next day I drove to Maryland, a seven hour drive, where I arrived just after noon.  Melody’s mother answered the door and welcomed me in then said that I would talk to Melody a while but then she had to take Melody to a doctor’s appointment.  She showed me the living room where Melody was sitting in on the couch, I sat in a chair next to her while her mother went into adjoining kitchen where I’m sure she could listen in on our conversation. 

Melody seemed so frail, she talked in a very quiet, weak voice as she answered my questions about how she was doing and asking a few questions about me.  Although I was happy to see Melody, I was greatly sadden to see her in such a state.  We talked for less than an hour before her mother came back into the room and said it was time for them to go to the doctor which was about a 45 minute drive in Baltimore.  Surprisingly, her mother said I could go with them if I would like, that while Melody was at her appointment, she could show me around Baltimore.  I agreed and we left the house and got into the car, her mother driving, Melody in the front seat next to her and me in the back seat.  On the way to the doctor, Melody didn’t say much but her mother did have a few questions about me which I politely answered.  Upon arriving a the doctor’s office, I stayed in the car while the mother took Melody into the office and then came back out to the car and we drove around Baltimore for forty-five minutes while Melody was at her appointment.  I had never seen a big city before, it seemed dark, and dirty.  The most memorable thing was that we drove by a cemetery where Melody’s mother pointed out that Edgar Allan was buried where I thought I heard the Tell-Tale Heart beating but to find it was only my own. 

We went back to the doctor’s office and picked Melody back up and returned to their house where I said my goodbyes then left to return home.  The twelve hour drive back to Melbourne gave me a lot of time to reflect upon my relationship with Melody.     Her state really saddened me and the day after I got home I wrote her a letter but didn’t have the courage to send it to her.

Unsent letter to Melody

Melody,   

Hi, I hope you are feeling better.  I thought I would write you a letter to tell you those things I wanted to say when I was with you but couldn’t find the right words. I wanted to be close to you, to feel your presence. I love you very much but is a love of respect and admiration.  You are an easy person to love for you are such a lonely person.  You have such a bleak outlook on life, you are like a small tree stripped of its leaves on a freezing cold winter day. You stand alone on a hillside in a far off corner of the park, seldom to be seen. I am out walking in this park on the freezing cold day, for I often go out walking on those days that few people are out, hoping to meet another lonely person like myself.  Well, I come across this lone tree with its bare branches, and it moves me for it is like I, alone, cold and wanting to be loved.  I step up to it, so very cold it feels. I want to wrap my arms around it, to keep it warm, to let it know I care about it.  Well I am all bungled up in a big heavy coat, hat, scarf and gloves looking like an overstuffed Santa looking at this frail, cold tree when I decide to try to warm it.  I step closer, put my arms around it awkwardly trying to gather its frail branches in my arms when I break one of its small branches.  I step back and apologize several times to the tree, for I only meant it good, but I still hurt it.  A tear forms in my eye, runs down and freezes on the tip of my nose. I take off my scarf and carefully wrap it around the base of the tree hoping that it may help the tree though the winter.  I then say softly so that only the tree could hear, “Good by little tree, I love you and will come see you again.”  

I forgot about the tree the rest of that winter but in the spring I was walking in the park again when I came across the tree.  It had small bright green leaves all over it and had small buds which would soon bloom.  Still around its base was my scarf, a bit dirty but still wrapped tightly around its small trunk.  I like to think that it was my scarf that helped the tree through the winter, but I’ll never know for sure.   

It was a dead calm day when suddenly a slight breeze sprang up and one of the tree’s branches bent over and touch my had as if to say thank you.  I turned to leave knowing that someday the tree would grow into a strong beautiful tree standing alone on the hillside and that it would always be a special tree to me.  

Melody, you are like this tree to me, frail and alone but beautiful and graceful.  You are a bit unsure of yourself now but someday you will grow to be strong.  You are imaginative, creative, and have a great deal of talent, but are also very emotional, often letting your emotions run wild. But I have also seen you to be rational and logical, it is that part of us that keeps the emotional part in balance.   I mean this from the bottom of my heart.  

I love you,  

Larry