1981

Elizabeth

At the end of April I received a letter from Elizabeth. The envelope itself was quite interesting she must have been in an unusual mood, she made all sorts of embellishments in her writing, including writing my zip code in roman numerals.  She it to  “Larry Mixon, Esquire”, which was odd, she misspelled my name and what was with the “Esquire”? and she found “Hoskins Holler”, the name of the apartment complex that she lived near the University of Central Florida, amusing.

The Letter

Larry:

   Are you still (I hope)! Going to be able to help me out with a loan (?).  I am moving on April 30th – I’ve decided. The bind I am in is that a girlfriend in G’ville loaned me $300 during the break (during the break I usually work full time, but this past break was when “things got so bad” that I didn’t). Originally she said I wouldn’t have to pay her back until June, but she just move the date up to May 5th. Moving will almost wipe me out and I don’t have the money to pay her back. But if I stay there I’lll go crazy (ier!!) I can’t elaborate, or I could by why (?), but when I first moved down here there were on vacancies in apartments near campus, even though I came down and looked two months earlier --- apparently everyone was earlier than I. I found and ad for my present place and thought “what the hell, it’ll be o.k.” Well I think for a while it maybe was but the major problems (major?) are roaches / fleas / the smell / and a roommate who’s a real “put a person down type.” Its hard to explain, sometimes it so subtle, but its things like not introducing me to people at all that come over – even if I’m sitting at the kitchen table saying things like “I guess you eat that because its cheap,” “ I can tell you what kind of job you need – I could stick you in a corner and give you a task to do and you’d be perfectly happy; I know that type you are.”  This guy is a guidance counselor and a supreme asshole. The house is graced with playboy centerfolds and motorcycle trophies (He’s 35 years old). A very mature juvenile!!  Beside the place stinks.  He has an Irish setter that lives, eats and defecates in the garage. The he lets her in the house. When you stay here for a while olfactory saturation takes over (thank God) and the smell is not as noticeable, but go away and come back – yech!!  Well enough on not elaborating!

   I think my counselor is helping me (?) Usually I’m so nervous I wonder if were accomplishing anything. The other day I got so mad at him that I threw a coffee cup at him and hit the hell out of him. He kept saying “you’ve got to let your ager out”, “you’ve got to let your anger out.”  But unfortunately I got mad at him for telling me that and whammy. Anyway?! We’re doing a lot of vocational type talk mostly, but some personal stuff also.

[written in the margin]

Boy if I could “yo” with Math there’s a shortage or soon will be of teachers, professors, and researchers – its about time I made 30,000!! But don’t know.

   School is o.k. I’m taking all psychology and math. Both I like. I never got to know or learn my degree of interest in math because it was always “required.” Its unique taking it as an elective. I’d like to go as far as possible to see if I have limitations. Can you imagine getting to the point of taking topology!! Or innovating in topology!

   I just miss a lot of things down there, like biking, etc. Where I’ll move to there’s a bike path to campus! Yeah. I’ll bike to class. I’m trying to get a job on campus. I had a job in Engineering which I quit.  I know you’ll think – more of the same, but I truly learned a lot. When I resigned the Chairman of the Dept. said “We’ve had other student assistants quit for the same reason” – the “boss” secretary was just that - a real chain gang driver, plus critical and perfectionist as hell. It was tearing the hell out of me trying to be “perfect secretary” plus go to school plus counseling. See – implicit in the role of secretary is the idea of one being stupid – all of your importance derives from the more importance of someone else. Nothing you doe is initiated / designed / or thought out by you. Someone else originates all of the necessity for your acting. You just do for someone else . Oh well, enough of that!

   Larry, if you can just help me keep going past this rough point, I will be truly grateful. I’ve just gotten bogged down and really stuck in some outmoded ways of doing things or of thinking, whatever. I don’t know, sometime I get depressed, but sometimes I still think it will all come together – or I will bring it all together. Maybe if you can just be my friend and help me out.  I’m glad you have your thing with Julie, because I think now maybe I can be a more open friend and express my needs more openly, not for you to fulfil, but just share knowledge of.  I think basically you’re just really healthy, from a stable family structure, and never had denied to you the things you needed.  I don’t think that was my case.  I needed so much and had the misfortune and error of observation to place it in the wrong hands.                                                                                           Elizabeth

Written vertically in the margin as an afterthought was, “Larry: Is there any possibility you could make it 350 instead of 3-- ??” I sent her the $350.

Space Age