Mixsonian

Scene 4
Monster Rumors

Medicine Man and GaryMedicine Man Telling Mr. Gary About Monster.

This particular Saturday Mr. Gary wasn’t happy to see the preacher and his group come marching into the springs.  He was sponsoring the first ever Miss Magnesia Springs beauty contest and of course the preacher thought beauty contests were a sin.  Now Mr. Gary was doing everything he could to drum up business since about a week ago the Medicine Man and his wife claimed to see some prehistoric monster coming out of the spring pool.  Well Mr. Gary said “Hogwash, that they were more likely to be drinking moonshine or his own tonic and it was only a reflection of the Medicine Man’s floozy wife”.  Well with that she hit Mr. Gary on the head and stomped out.  Now nothing was going to stop the Medicine Man from telling anyone who would listen about this awful monster, the rumors were flying and the stories growing, now others saying they had seen the monster to. 

As it happened, Mr. Gary, what he did next was call in Sherriff Randy to investigate.  Well Sheriff Randy showed up the day of the big beauty contest to look for this here spring monster.  No, Mr. Gary was taking no chances about proven it was all a pack of lies so he called in Professor Laurence Godfrey of St. Augustine.  Not only was Professor Godfrey an expert about all critters living in the water but he was also a famous ballet dancer and mathematician.  So Professor Godfrey arrived that day was taking water samples to see if the monster could be living in the springs. 

Sheriff Randy and Mr. GaryMr. Gary with Prof. Godfrey and Sherriff Randy
Reporters with Mr. GaryMr. Gary with Reporters

Well with all these monster stories, the springs needed all the good publicity it could get.  Publicity is what they got.  So that day there was reports from the Gainesville Sun, the Ocala Star Banner and there were even two foreign reporters here from the Czechoslovakia country .  Mr. Gary invited them all down so they can hear the testimonials of how the spring water was for all your ailments. 

Now the first one was Vandy Lee Pew.  She was first to give her testimony to the healing power of the springs.  Now Vandy Lee loved to tell anyone who listen how the spring water gave her voice back so sheVandy Lee Pew could talk all again.  The story goes like this…  that Vandy Lee was 10 years old, she couldn’t swim and she had never said a word, not one.  No most people thought she was just plain stupid but others said that with her ma the girl couldn’t get a word in edgewise.  What her mother called “advising others” we call sticking your nose in other people’s business and she did plenty of that.  Well no Vandy Lee was in the springs and out of the blue she jumps into the deepest end of the pool.  Now her mama sees this and know Vandy Lee can’t swim she starts screaming and jumping up and down and has a heart attack and dies right there on the spot.  People started yelling “Mrs. Pew is dead, Mrs. Pew is dead.”  Guess you could call it a miracle of sorts because not only did Vandy Lee do a perfect breaststroke to the side of the pool but she started to talk and she ain’t shut up since. 

Ronnie JoeNow Ronnie Joe she gave the next testimonial.  Seems Ronnie Joe had snuck off into the swamp area by the spring to meet her lover Leonard Koonie.  Well she came out of there screaming that a big old water moccasin had bitted her good.  Mr. Gary and a lot of others saw that bite before anything could be done, quick as a jack rabbit, she up and jumped into the springs.  By the time they got Ronnie Joe out of the water there was no sign of any bite marks.  Now I don’t know if was the spring water that ridded her of that of that poison or not, but Ronnie Joe sure believes it was.  The testimonials were over and the reporters decided they would stay on for this here beauty contest but the whole thing had turned into a great big spat. 

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