A Conversation with Elizabeth
1998
Recent Note

From:          Elizabeth  
To:            LMixson@PEC.com
Sent:          Thursday, May 28, 1998 1:16 PM
Subject:       Recent Note
 
Thanks for taking the time to write while you are in the midst of concern over Julie.  I'd be absolutely scared to death to have anyone operating on my eyes, and I hope you can be with her. From what I know, the operation to repair a detached retina is, however, "routine" (at least for those who do it).  How frightening though!  What I identify with, however, and what I also note about your account is, "Why didn't Julie go to the doctor the very first thing when she started having floaters."  That is very serious, but I know how absolutely phobic I am of physicians and I put off and put off myself. Sometimes putting off has been okay.  I got some sort of very bad tendonitis (tennis elbow equivalent) in my right arm a year or so back, which I finally determined was from shifting heavy library books across shelves.   It was killing me though.  I put off and put off seeing anyone, then finally made an appointment.  While waiting for the appointment, however, I found a sports medicine book, which gave instructions to immobilize the elbow against the side, and rest it. I taught myself to keep my elbow glued to my side, because I didn't have the necessary splint, cancelled my appointment, and finally it got "better."  One can't reattach a retina however. Nor can I find the "cause" of my fatigue.
 
I wonder how long it takes for the eye to recover and heal, and whether a person is able to use it right away.  I imagine too that Julie, from your descriptions, although I feel somewhat uncomfortable talking about someone I don't know except through you, probably tries to do everything "right" about her health and self care.  Then, whammy, out of the blue, some bizarre thing like this happens.  It deflates, or can for me, my efforts at "control."  I know little about ophthalmology and little about "why" a retina would detach. 
 
I asked my boss to let me leave 10 minutes early yesterday(I am very careful about such things, because I have so much autonomy I don't ever want to abuse it)and went to see the Horse Whisperer at the 3 dollar matinee. I thought it was just superb.  It is quite long, which I did not know, and the 4:30 show did not get out til almost eight--I think its two hours and 44 minutes, but I also got a good preview of the X-files movie.)  The thing is, and this is hard to express, it was like reading a James Lee Burke novel for me, I'm left "out of synch" somehow by the movie.  I was very restless last night and kept thinking about the movie, over and over.  I finally got up and looked up Robert Redford in one of the few film books I have.  I found out he also directed Ordinary People, which is probably my all time favorite movie. I never knew that. OP was the first movie he ever directed and he got an academy award for it.  It was so bizarre, because the first few minutes into The Horse Whisperer I thought, this reminds me of Ordinary People, but I did not know that Robt. Redford had directed it as well. 
 
So, I don't know--I had a long discussion with my friend on the phone this morning about law school.  She has been thinking about transferring because our school isn't accredited, and is concerned about getting a position after graduating.  I tried to talk about how seeing The HW had left me sort of in a "what's life REALLY about mode," but I was sort of rambling, as I probably am now. 
 
I just keep thinking that somehow the creative life is the only life worth living, and I'm not creating.  I think the only thing I could ever do, however, is write.  I took a screenwriting course at UCF, which was quite interesting, but I came away thinking I couldn't do it. I wonder though if that is a self-limiting stance to take.  I am just mesmerized that Robt. Redford could create this movie.  There is a dance scene which was so well done and so effective, it is hard to forget.  Also, the opening parts of the movie, when the characters are introduced are superb.  I'll talk more about it when you've seen the movie. My synopsis of the entire movie is "it's about healing, sometimes from wounds we don't even know we have, sometimes from wounds we know we have."
 
Take care, and I hope everything goes well with the operation.  Be glad we live in 1998 and not 1888.  Elizabeth

Life