1973
The Problem with Self Analyzation

By April I had given a lot of thought about what John C. Lilly wrote in his book and had been working on myself.  It wasn’t easy.  I wrote in my journal…

April 14, 1973

There seems to be a problem. What it is I don't know. I believe I first notice it sometime last week but I have been ignoring it. You see the problem is with myself, what exactly I'm not sure of but have recognized the fact that I have not been myself lately.  Being on the BSC (Baptist Student Center) retreat among other people has cause this awareness. This is because I have been very obnoxious and I don't really see how the other people have put up with me. I think I have quite underestimated them.  That is they are much more tolerant of other people than I have previously given them credit for. But, back to the original topic. I have been through this same type of experience before, but because of a different problem. As one can see there are two problems, the problem (which I have yet to state) and the problem caused by the root problem, i.e. being obnoxious. the latter isn't much of a new problem if only I can solve the root problem, but again a new problem is introduced, namely that of being unable to find, know, recognize our understand the root problem.  There are many leads I can follow which many lead nowhere or lead my mind in circles, or yet to other problems. So with there being many leads to follow, I must be selective in choosing the ones to trace down. Given enough time to myself it would seem likely the root problem could found and then a solution found or at least a compromise with myself could be found. It would seem that no one can know one better than oneself it shouldn't be difficult to find the problem. But here is the major flaw, because it is yourself you try to analyze you are biased and avoid sensitive areas within yourself.