2000

 Journal Entry
April 10, 2000

Susan is on my mind and in my thoughts. We had dinner together two weeks ago and we had a great time together. When I left her she said she really enjoyed our evening and we should do it again. This week is the break between classes. Next week is the first week of classes then Susan leaves for Nepal for three weeks. I would really like to see her again before she goes. Other than one class I doubt that I will. The thought of not seeing her for such a long time makes me feel empty. Does she like me? Does she think of me? I think not. Tonight, I had the Déjà vu feeling, is not my feelings, my desire for Susan not a repeat of what happened with Elizabeth so many years ago? I say to myself let it go, let her go. Although I feel there is some interest, some connection with Susan, she seems to have no interest in pursuing it. When I press her, she relents and sees me but she does not initiate. Should I pursue or should I back off? I do know I have a strong desire to be with her, to get to know her better, to become intimate with her. It’s not a sexual desire but a longing to be with her.

Survivor