A Conversaton with Elizabeth
1998
Retirement

From:          Elizabeth
To:            larry.m.mixson@bvs.com
Date;          3/5/98 11:45am
Subject:       Retirement
 
I think I said I recall that you WERE a good cook.[1] Deviled turkey legs. You were supposed to be doing steak, but I came "home" and you said you had fixed something else. They were wonderful. I'm actually in a "plan" of phasing out day to day cooking. I'm intentionally eating up my on-hand stuff and/or getting rid of it by donating it to the foodbank. When I cook, I plan to plan for it, and make a special dish, or try a new recipe, but I'm not "keeping a kitchen in the day to day sense anymore. I'm tired of throwing out vegetables I don't get around to cooking or have weevils get into stuff I never touch. Right now I just buy bread, lunch meat, cheese, and bananas (and Pepperidge farm cookies) but nothing else in the way of "staples." I have lots of recipes I would like to try. One of my favorite foods is baked salmon, which in my "new" plan I will schedule to fix more frequently. I keep my coffee in the freezer as well. My grinder got lost in the move, but I used to grind three tablespoons at a time as well. Its so much more favorable. Its not "overboard." Its just people who do it other ways are deficit in their understanding of what a good cup of coffee is. (I won't drink a bad cup of coffee. just pass. One good cup a day is what I prefer. )
 
The fears you relate about your father are the same I have about my mother. I dread a phone call. I don't think she would die from the AZ yet, but a while back a resident pushed her down, and she got injured very badly as she is frail. I often am afraid she will die before I can finally make it down to visit. Calls are a "waste." She often walks off and leaves the phone with me talking to air. Plus, it is impossible to communicate about anything. I have a lot to work through in apparently having gotten nothing of sentimental value that was my mother's, except the few items I expressly argued for. My sister is so self aggrandizing. Sometimes I feel I sound that way complaining about her, but I never planned to "get stuff" or maneuvered to get stuff the way she has. When my grandmother died, she made a special trip to my Father's to "collect" stuff. I need the things mostly for my anchors, however marginal and slim. It has been very difficult for me to "anchor" in a dysfunctional family. I recall being very hurt once at Christmas when I visited my sister's and found that on the tree she had ALL of our family ornaments from trees past. We had an angel that always topped our tree for years and years and years. It was on top of "her" tree. Oh well. I have some grief and anger here I know.
 
I have my old records too. The transition caught me by surprise. In fact though at old library sales I have actually acquired more records. I got some one of a kind sets of opera and stuff for 50 cents or so. Occasionally I still see turntables for sale. Mine is a cheapo. I may actually invest, although I'm also building a CD collection haphazardly. I really like the compactness of CDs. I only have a boom box CD, which I keep by my bed, but I play it all the time. What type of music do you like now? You used to like classic as well.[2]
 
I know I am grossly behind in my retirement situation. I haven't accumulated to put it bluntly. Even with SS, I have had low paying jobs in the past and not paid in much. I am doing all I can to make up. The hospital campus has good plans. At five years I am vested. I'm also putting into the 401k or the nonprofit version as much as I can, steeply, which really cuts down on my disposable income. In fact, I'm putting in the maximum amount allowed. I know what you mean--I would have to put away almost as much as I make.
 
Library and information studies was actually a "career solution." There are jobs everywhere. The pay is not overly fantastic and can in places be quite low, but there are always positions. The work, if you are not in an understaffed place such as the public library here, is stimulating and interesting. I really like my position here. I just rebel so against the structure of a job. I have to really struggle, not with doing the work, but the 8-5 component of day in and day out. Perhaps everybody does--but that doesn't seem true. Some people seem to really do it better than I.
 
The great novel? What would yours be about? I don't have any picture of you. I don't recall the photo at your parents. I have some pictures of myself in about 1976 out at your Aunt's place. A friend of mine from work came out and we shot some. I have one of myself sitting on the front porch. Boy that place was dilapidated looking, or seems so now. Back then it seemed cozy. Well, enough.

The only photo I have of Elizabeth was from Dad's Birthday in 1975. It would be another twenty years before I would retire.

[1] What she said was “I know you were a good cook.”, then in parentheses after it she said, “(just kidding…” which seemed to me that she was saying I wasn’t a good cook. The first dinner I cooked for her, which Wendy and Sean also came, I made beef stroganoff Hamburger Helper. (see 1974)

[2] It was Elizabeth that got me interested in classical music, see the Beethoven’s 5th Piano Concerto incident in 1974.

Re: Music and stories