A Conversaton with Elizabeth
1998
Re: work and life's re-work

From:          larry.m-mixson@bvs.com (LARRY M.. MIXSON)
To:            Elizabeth
Date:          Fri, 6 Mar 1998 15:45:18 -0800
Subject:       Re: work and life's re-work
 
I was still here when I got your last message. I have had a little of something to do today, I been asked to help write a test plan for a new Internet access service so I was half heartedly working on it. Actually I believe I was more staying around hoping that I might get another message from you.
 
Loss probably does entail some grief. I have never been good about describing emotions. My wife has often said that I did not express much emotion. During one of our therapy sessions together the therapist gave me page long a list of emotions and asked me which ones I was feeling and also asked me to occasionally look at it to help identify my feelings. I never was able to identify many.[1] I tend to be more rational, logical and consistent without big emotional/feeling swings. My wife on the other hand has strong emotions and feelings which sometimes I find difficult other times it is a joy. The two of us tend to balance each other out. Your talk of deep feelings has somewhat surprised me for I always thought of you more like myself, logical, rational with feelings kept much in control and to yourself. Perhaps you have changed since I knew you and are more in touch with your feelings. It is something I am still working at.
 
I wasn't sure what you meant with the ? on the sentence "...those years as well?" It seemed more like a statement, I not sure what the question is. The medium lets us down again.
 
I have never been to a grief counselor although my wife and her father did after her mother died. The also found the experience very useful. Never experiencing a major "grief" experience I had not felt the need to go. From what you described it seems like it could still be a rewarding experience. Music can be a very powerful tool for bring up emotions.
 
I also would not call myself musically sophisticated but I am learning a lot more about it from playing the piano and with discussions with Julie's father. From looking at a music score from Yanni and then looking at a score from Bach, Beethoven or other I can visually understand what Julie's father means by simple and complex. I also have always liked Bach because his music is very "organized" and mathematical (remember Godel, Echer, Bach). Yes, Tomita, from my electronic music stage. I have several of his albums. One of my favorites is his rendition of Dubussy's (sp?) Pictures at an Exhibition.[2] PaaE has also been one of my favorites and I have four other renditions of it by others.

[1] It was at one of these sessions when Julie told the therapist “He never gets mad.”. The therapist turns to me and asks, “Is that true, you never get mad?” And I tell her, “Yeah, that is pretty much true, sometimes I might get a little irritated, but I don’t really ever get angry or mad.” The therapist turns back to Julie with some skepticism and asks Julie one of those leading therapist questions, “And that makes you feel how….” And Julie says it bothered her and that she sometimes did things to try to make me mad just to get a response from me.  Suddenly the cloud opened and I saw the light, well perhaps not like that but some things that Julie had said or done in the past made sense. I think it was this session that started me thinking I didn’t want to be with her anymore. But I’m getting ahead of myself, all will be reveled in time.

[2] It actually is Mussorgsky’s  Pictures at and Exhibition had been one of my favorite classical music pieces oddly enough because back in the early 70’s I was really into electronic music and in 1975 I bought the all-electronic Pictures at an Exhibition by Tomita. Since that time I have bought several other more conventional orchestra versions of the piece. See 1975 Electronic Music

Typos