A Conversation with Elizabeth
1998
Seraphim

From:          Elizabeth  
To:            LMixson@PEC.com
Sent:          Wednesday, April 29, 1998 1:16 PM
Subject:       Seraphim
 
Today I had the type of morning I'm trying to learn to prevent.  I ran errands after work, mainly going to the public library to browse again, as I seldom get to do that, and each branch is different in terms of what they carry.  Just as I was getting home I realized I was low on gas and didn't feel like going back out.  So, this morning I had to leave early to get gas, which is inconvenient.  Because I left early I was rushed leaving the apt.  Just before getting my gas, I realized I had popped an English muffin into the toaster oven and forgotten to get it.  That would be okay because the toaster feature shuts off automatically.  However, I then realized I had used the oven last night to "bake."  That turns off when you open the door, but unless you turn the dial back to off, it will come on again when the door is shut.  So, I started wondering if when I put in my English muffin to toast, did that re-activate bake, or did I turn it off last night (it was not on this morning, but that could have been because the door was open).  Anyway, after getting my gas I had to decide what to do--go to work and tell my boss I had to leave and go back home briefly (which would take at least 40 minutes to an hour round trip) or turn around right then and be about 20 to 30 minutes late.  Or, just forget it, and worry all day, and possibly burn my apt. down.  This all sounds obsessive, like "did I leave the iron on" but, it all started because I didn't get gas when I should have, which was Friday night when I left the law school after my exam. 
(I use only Chevron in my car and there are only about three stations in town.)  So, I turned around and went back home.  The oven was not on, but I did get a toasted cold muffin.  Also, I realized only then I had forgotten my lunch (banana and yoghurt) which was sitting out.  So, that was a benefit of returning as well.  I was glad of that because I truly have to economize for a while here. 
 
So this day was off to a neurotic start.  I got some interesting books in the library.  What I like to do is get a stack of things that look interesting, then pile them up, and sort of skim read, look through them.  If one "catches me" I'll read it.  I got a book by Stephen Gould on the millenium, a book on "balance" in life (spiritual, emotional, mental, etc.), and a book on euthanasia by Scott Peck which also had discussions of adjusting to aging. The balance book turned out to be "nothing new" or additionally useful to me.  I skim read Peck's discussion of his "aging."  He is the very popular author who wrote all those books on "the road less traveled" or something like that.  Apparently he has aged rather early by his own account and at age 60 feels "old" according to his description. He discusses the difficulties in adjusting down his expectations, in that travel is more burdensome and difficult.  Sort of chilling and not your usual boom bah bah stuff about an active retirement. 
 
I watched the therapist movie, which was so so, except for the smooth way the therapist insinuated her lives into the couple's relationship and tried to ruin it.  That was rather scary to me, because in my opinion her "talk" was very "therapy-like" and believable--it's just that she was playing "mindgames," which was the title of the movie.  Then I watched X-files.  It was okay, not sterling, but I thought it was more millenium like than x-filish.  I personally think this season has been only so so, except for the "neuromancer" episode which was really good. 
 
Every once and a while I get a stab of anxiety because I realize how luxurious this week is and how quickly it will end.  It's strange to be living, or have the choice to live, a "normal" life, complete with excessive t.v. watching (ha!)
 
You know, I don't understand scan technology at all and what is required.  When I was a graduate assistant a prof once made me scan a bunch of stuff and the whole process was so laborious and retarded, I thought it was ridiculous.  Also, there were alot of mal-juxtapositions of the data.  I could have entered it all by hand in the time it took me to do it.  So, does a scanner have to be hooked up to a computer.  I was wondering, for example, if I went to "Kinkos" is it possible to have something scanned onto a disk, and then would I be able to bring the disk to my own computer and "see it" and transmit it.  I had wondered about "scanning" sometime back in case I found that "dome house picture" of yours, which I may still have. 
 
So, courtesy of three NSAIDs, over a two day period I have a "new" knee.  That's really a minimal dose.  No pain, no stiffness.  Hardly any range of motion restriction.  The trouble is, if I took the medicine for 5-10 years, I wouldn't have a liver, or stomach either.  Life has such trade-offs (ha).  I can't believe that yesterday I read that 500-800 mg. of ibuprofen (not what I take) is considered a "medium" dose. 
Occasionally I will take 200 mg. a day, instead of the expensive Cataflam.  I remember a friend of mine who was in the Army said the doctors there would mega-dose people on Ibuprofen to get through training exercises. 
 
When's the dinner party.
 
Enough--Elizabeth   

For want of a shoe